Trusting Heart

<BODY><script> (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i['GoogleAnalyticsObject']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,'script','//www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js','ga'); ga('create', 'UA-47423994-1', 'fortunecity.ws'); ga('send', 'pageview'); </script> <center> <br> <div> <script language="javascript" type="text/javascript" src="http://ad.broadcaststation.net/ads/show_ad.php?width=728&height=90"></script> </div> </center> <EMBED SRC="../sound/Can_You_Feel_the_Love_Tonight.mid" HIDDEN="TRUE" LOOP="2" AUTOSTART="true"> <CENTER> <H1>Trusting Heart</H1></CENTER> <BLOCKQUOTE> <P><FONT SIZE="-1">"Successful people have the habit of doing the things failures don't like to do. They don't like doing them either, but their disliking is subordinated to the strength of their purpose." Albert Gray, from his essay, "The Common Denominator of Success" </FONT></P> <P>Stephen Covey, in his tape series based on "The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People", talks about emotional bank accounts. I love the way he describes it. Whenever we do something nice for someone we make a deposit. Conversely, when we act inconsiderate, we are withdrawing from our emotional bank account. </P> <P>So if our account is healthy, lots of deposits have been made, then when we make a mistake, as we all will from time to time, the other person is understanding and willing to forgive. If our account is overdrawn, lots of withdrawals have been made, then the next mistake, or inconsiderate action, may be the 'straw' that broke the camel's back. Tensions run high.</P> <P>Divorce is an extreme example of two people with bankrupt emotional bank accounts. Neither is willing to forgive any error by the other. Neither trusts the other. There is no giving. Long before the separation, signs that the emotional bank account is dangerously low appear. Is it possible to reverse the slide to bankruptcy?</P> <P>I suspect that like financial bankruptcy, the reversal takes a lot of work and change in attitude. First comes the decision to change the relationship from one of withdrawals to one of deposits. What do you want? A loving, supportive relationship or a cold, judgmental acquaintance? </P> <P>The change starts with a shift in my perspective. Do I look for all she does 'wrong' or focus on what I see her doing right? Do I want to make a snappy, sarcastic comment, or share a caring, loving comment? Do I want to be right or in a relationship?</P> <P>The problem is that after years of emotional withdrawals, most of us have forgot how to make deposits. Withdrawals are solidly in our comfort zone, or maybe in our 'familiar' zone. It may not be comfortable, but it is familiar and difficult to change. </P> <P>Making emotional deposits in many cases requires entering a state outside of our comfort zone, a state of vulnerability. What are the true feelings behind the masks we wear? I have to confess, I have never been able to get to those deep feelings and emotions alone. I can't see it. I am blessed with people in my life, who assist me in getting there. Then I can share what is going on.</P> <P>I challenge you today to make an emotional deposit with someone you truly care for. Give them a complement, a hug, a rose. Tell them what you are doing and why. By being open and vulnerable, we make deposits in our emotional bank accounts. The result is intimacy and love.</P> <P>Isn't it time you went to the bank and made a deposit, rather than a withdrawal?</P> <P>Now if the two of you are feeling particularly brave, I have a simple, profound exercise for you. Sit facing each other. Take a couple deep breaths to clear out the lungs and relax. Then look into your partner's eyes for a minimum five minutes, preferably ten. Do not speak. If you start to laugh, it's okay, but ask yourself why your defenses have come up? This is not an easy exercise. Practice it and I guarantee you will see wonders. </P> <P><FONT SIZE="-1">© 1998 Scott Paton All Rights Reserved.</FONT></P></BLOCKQUOTE> </BODY>