Forum of the Heart

<BODY><script> (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i['GoogleAnalyticsObject']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,'script','//www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js','ga'); ga('create', 'UA-47423994-1', 'fortunecity.ws'); ga('send', 'pageview'); </script> <center> <br> <div> <script language="javascript" type="text/javascript" src="http://ad.broadcaststation.net/ads/show_ad.php?width=728&height=90"></script> </div> </center> <IMG SRC="../graphics/spacer.gif" WIDTH="10" HEIGHT="1"> <H1 ALIGN="CENTER">Forum of the Heart</H1> <P>Every month, when I sit down to write this column, I consider what has been going on in my life and how to share it with you. This summer and fall, I have been struggling with two issues: wanting to be right, and being disconnected. Neither issue is new for me. Both have been the subjects of previous columns. </P> <P>Very little sets me off as much as other people rehashing the same old stuff over and over. If you know what you need to do, go do it. So naturally, I have ample opportunity to see where I am stuck. Or perhaps, to see how much I have grown</P> <P>I have a philosophical position on discipline that is diametrically opposed to that of my sons' mother. I recently found an article that supports my position. Aha, I thought, proof that I am right. I quickly realized that just giving her the article would be ineffective. Then my plan was to manipulate a mutual friend into passing it on. I soon began to wonder, how far am I willing to go to prove I am 'right'? How sneaky can I get? Is this what I want? </P> <P>No.</P> <P>So now the article is stashed away (just in case), and my friend and I had a good laugh at my ego's expense.</P> <P>It didn't take long for my ego to put me in a humbling position.</P> <P>I am ashamed of my emotions, my feelings. I judge them mercilessly. I believe it is unacceptable to feel the feelings, so I go numb and rigid. The way it looks to the outside world is silence. I feel like the terrified bunny in the forest unable to move. I feel immobilized. </P> <P>When on vacation, I sent postcards to some of my friends, including one whom I am very attracted to. She was surprised I thought of her and delighted to receive it. She pulled it out, looked at me, looked at it, told me she had read it, then read it again, looking for the real message. She did not want to assume anything, but had a question for me. </P> <P>What am I feeling towards her.</P> <P>Caught. Nowhere to run. Emotional overload. All shields up and cracking fast.. </P> <P>Silence.</P> <P>Then something new happened. She called it an Open Forum. She sat in front of me, took my hands in hers. Her eyes were soft and caring. She was totally present. This is a safe place. This is a place where anything can be said without judgment. What do you want? I have permission, for perhaps the first time, to honestly express myself. And I did.</P> <P>The result? The tension from carrying forbidden feelings dissipated. A friendship grew stronger. A new, higher level of trust was reached. I began to realize the importance of creating the space to share my feelings safely and freely.</P> <P>Maybe there are alternative ways to communicate. Maybe I can learn them. And maybe, just maybe, they don't hurt as much as I thought they would.</P> <P>Maybe it really is okay to feel the feelings</P> <P>Dedicated to Don McPhee, who felt the power of the human spirit within and worked miracles.</P> <P><FONT SIZE="-1">©1998 Scott Paton. All Rightr Reserved</FONT></P> </BODY>